I really want this blogging thing to work.
I’m still calling it a thing because, for now, it’s a blog but I have no idea what it will eventually turn into.
If you’ve visited here more than once, you may have noticed that it’s never looked the same more than once. I’ve been having a blast playing around with the theme and tweaking colours and headers and fooling around with HTML (hoping I don’t mess anything up beyond fixing) when really, I have no idea what I’m doing. There’s this nagging doubt that pinches just slightly above my right eyebrow and I dread that this little love child will turn into one of the many projects I start and never finish. Just another project left to wilt in a metaphysical corner of my life with the rest of the rotting heap.
So I’ve done what a lot of people my age do when they hit a tough spot and need some help or inspiration:
With the all-powerful search engine at the tips of our fingers we can find anything, answer any question, conquer any impending anxiety, fulfil our curiosities, and, most importantly, waste a whole bunch of time.
I’ve read dozens of posts on “What I Wish I Knew When I First Started Blogging”, “Blogging for N00bs”, “99 Blog Post Ideas”, and “Overcoming Writers Block.” While they all have valid points and great ideas, none of them give me that spark of inspiration that I keep hoping I’ll find. The white board stays a slick, glossy white.
With this (and several other life experiences) I’m starting to agree that the age of instant answers is more of a hindrance than a blessing.
Instead of getting outside and exploring and learning, we lose to instant gratification and move on to the next idea without much more thought on the matter. We are becoming serial googlers, shooting off questions and brushing them aside faster than an AK-47. By the age of 18, we’ve probably asked more questions and had them answered than the great minds of the 15th century. Sure, we have history to help, but most of those philosophers and scientists that we aspire to be didn’t have many questions and many ideas..
Most of them only had one.
I know I’m guilty of berating myself for not knowing enough or for being blonde on more than one occasion. There is just so many people I look up to and things I wish I was better at, but the problem with life is you can’t do it all. You need to make a choice. You can always change it but you just have to pick something and stick to it until you’re either sick of it or have tried everything you can think of (and even then, I’m sure there’s many who’d argue you could keep going). But I digress.
Slowly but surely, all those websites and blogs that tell you to get off the computer and make their “The Last Time You’ll Google for Inspiration” post the last one you read, start to sink in.
Soon silence will have passed into legend. Man has turned his back on silence. Day after day he invents machines and devices that increase noise and distract humanity from the essence of life, contemplation, meditation…tooting, howling, screeching, booming, crashing, whistling, grinding, and trilling bolster his ego. His anxiety subsides. His inhuman void spreads monstrously like a gray vegetation.
We need to stop searching for answers that we need to find ourselves, and stop asking every question and start looking for new questions. Googling what to write about is slowly becoming the equivalent to searching for how you should look in magazines (and we all know how well that turns out). Just go out and do it. Stop thinking about everything so much and do it. All those bloggers and philosophers or celebrities (if that’s your cup of tea) don’t google what to do next – they just do it. In the Celebrity world, “bad publicity is still good publicity”, and I feel that it’s the same with life experiences. Don’t shy from the bad because it hurts, let it run its course and come out all the more stronger in the end.
So go out there and be awesome. Make mistakes and laugh and dance to your theme song and write about what you know and learn from people who inspire you, don’t forget to practice what you love so you’re ready for your big break.
Oh, and stop being so hard on yourself.